By: Jake Indursky (MIA ’23)

Note: The result of the game is accurate, but certain events are subject to whatever the author could remember (and his unconfirmed source).

Duke-UNC. Real Madrid-Barcelona. Yankees-Red Sox. Add one more pair to the pantheon of storied rivalries: Columbia SIPA’s Intramural Basketball Team-Columbia Law School’s Intramural Basketball Team.

On Wednesday night, a back-and-forth game saw the Court Packers — representing the law school — attempting to litigate every foul they disagreed with, and the SIPA Shot Makers — obviously representing SIPA — drawing up overly complicated plays that, while sensible in theory, lacked a nuanced understanding of the lived basketball court experience.

Ultimately though, Light (in the form of public policy) prevailed over Dark (in the form of, presumably, corporate law), and the Shot Makers came away with a 36-27 victory (subject to whatever IMLeagues uploads online). And while an unconfirmed source overheard one of the law players say, “good luck when you try and sue my company in court in 10 years,” the Shot Makers were only concerned with one court that night: the…basketball…court. [hold for laughter]

Despite the final score, the Court Packers looked to be in control early on, jumping out to a quick 7-0 lead in the first several minutes of the game. Team captain Jake Indursky (MIA ’23) was overheard saying, “we’re done for, should we just forfeit?” in one of his standard morale-boosting speeches.

However, characteristic for a team comprised of students attempting to implement social welfare policies in the face of capitalist institutions, the Shot Makers remained undaunted as Nick Kraft (MPA ’23) was able to stem the tide with a couple of timely baskets.

The remainder of the first half was marked by an inordinate amount of traveling violations that contributed to a stout defensive effort from the Shot Makers that left the score at the half, 13-7.

At halftime, the same unconfirmed source overhead Kraft saying, “Everybody just get the f—ck out of my way, I’m going to drive every time, and the rest of you just stand in the corner.” That game plan turned out to be exactly the adjustment the Shot Makers needed, as in the second half, Kraft continued to either score at the rim, or draw a foul, ultimately fouling out his main defender. One is left to wonder if the Court Packers were full of strict constitutionalists, given their unwillingness to deviate from their original strategy.

However, like Clarence Thomas, the Court Packers continued to hang around, but thanks to some timely defensive steals from Grant Reynolds (MIA ’23) and Galy Kouyoumijan (MPA-MPH ’22) and some clutch shot-making from Denis Bravenec (MIA ’23) and Kevin Brunelli (MPA ’23), the Shot Makers were able to slowly edge their way to a lead that they would not relinquish.

The win pushes the Shot Makers into first place in the B division, but this will likely not be the last time they face the Court Packers — a playoff match could be in store for these two teams, in which, according to a different unconfirmed source, if the Shot Makers win, they get to trade post-grad salaries with the Court Packers. But, true to their public policy roots, the Shot Makers are not in it for the money, but instead some ambiguous non-monetary external validation that they’ll hope to build on in their next matchup.

Jake Indursky (MIA ’23) is a contributing editor and a first-year Master of International Affairs student concentrating in Urban Policy.